Doctors in embarrasing situations

icerabbit on October 21st, 2003
A man comes into the ER
and yells; “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her
underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the
wrong one.

Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Antonio, TX

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At the beginning of
my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s
anterior chest wall.

“Big breaths,” I
instructed.

“Yes, they used to be,”
remorsefully replied the
patient.

Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle, WA

* *
*

One day I had to be the
bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarction. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting
to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal
fart.

Dr. Susan Steinberg,
Manitoba, Canada

* *
*

I was performing a complete
physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet
from the chart and began,

“Cover
your right eye with your hand.”

He
read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Now your
left”.

Again, a flawless
read.

“Now both,” I requested. There
was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with
both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the
exam.

Dr. Matthew
Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

*
* *

During a patient’s two-week
follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he
was having trouble with one of his medications.

“Which one”? I
asked.

“The patch.. The nurse told me
to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put
it!”

I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t
see.

Yes, the man had over fifty
patches on his body!

Now the
instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new
one.

Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk, VA

* *
*

While acquainting myself with
a new elderly patient, I asked,

“How
long have you been bedridden?”

After
a look of complete confusion she
answered…

“Why, not for about
twenty years — when my husband was
alive.”

Dr. Steven Swanson,
Corvallis, OR

* *
*

I was caring for a woman from
Kentucky and asked,

“So, how’s your
breakfast this morning?”

“It’s very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the
patient replied.

I then asked to see
the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY
Jelly.”

Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit, MI

* *
*

A new, young MD doing his
residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover
his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The
middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassed
him.

He looked up from his work and
sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling
you?”

She replied, “No doctor, but
the song you were whistling was ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer
Wiener’.”

:) F

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